Mock battle yields real results for area charities

image: 

Representatives for the USAO Ambassadors deliver food and other goods to Southern Oaks Church of Christ foodbank. They are (from left to right) Alicia Spain, Holly Howard, Kellee "Glittery Heels" Johnson, Marcie Price and Jillian Caldwell. The first annual Turkey Classic basketball game raised more than $1,400 and collected nearly 1,000 non-perishable items for donation to local food banks.

 

The USAO Fieldhouse was recently the site of an epic generational struggle as two basketball teams took to the court to raise money and donations for local food banks and charities. The first annual Turkey Classic pitted university faculty and staff against students to answer the classic question of whether experience or youth would prevail.

The prospect of a student victory seemed almost certain. Former Drover players Dakota Webster, Debora Dourado and Ana Moreno filled out the student roster impressively and left some on the opposite side despairing for a glimmer of hope.

It was then that USAO Admissions Director Kellee Johnson arrived in shoes that were described by witnesses, speaking on deep background, as “more glittery than the sun” and in possession of heels, “taller than the water tower off of 25th street.”

Johnson, forced by regulations that someone made up and Coach Brisco McPherson’s concerns that her shoes would leave “divots” in the court, donned a more conventional pair of footwear and lead the charge against the student team.

“Having been stripped of my most potent weapons,” Johnson said, “I took the next logical step and sprinkled glitter all over the faculty/staff team in hopes that we might blind the students.

“I think the results speak for themselves.”

Jessica Jackson, sports media writer for all of the Drovers’ athletic efforts, was recused from playing on the faculty squad due to a conflict of interests. From her position running the shot clock, she did come away from the game with objective observations on the course of events.

“Dakota Webster really rocked it up,” Jackson noted, “while coach Mike Ross was really tall and was joined in his tallness by Adam Heilman.”

“I loved the event,” Jackson added, brushing away a tear, “and I hope they do it again next week or whenever Thanksgiving is.”

The 6-foot-6-inch Heilman, who manages the USAO print shop, landed a three-point shot close to the end of the game that seemed to signal the beginning of the end for the student team.

“Well, to be fair,” Heilman noted fairly, “they had no hope of winning from the outset so my closing 85-foot fadeaway jumpshot was just the punctuation on a really, really sad sentence of despair.”

“It felt great,” he added.

The game raised more than $1,400 for the food banks at the First Baptist Church of Chickasha, the Salvation Army and Southern Oaks Church of Christ.  At the basketball game, students collected 300+ cans of food to be donated as well.

The funds collected from the concession stand, as well as the funds donated by sponsors allowed the USAO Ambassadors to donate nearly 1,000 non-perishable items.

 Area sponsors included, Aggreko, De Hart Air Conditioning Co., Dunn’s Food Center, Eduardo’s, FCCPSM and B Attorneys at Law, Frosting, Jay’s Jewelry, R.W. Varley, Standley Systems and Alan and Frances Todd.