Attenuate Requiem

by Amelia Williams


TRIGGER WARNING: mentions and depictions of eating disorders and self-harm

evil is a teenage girl carrying a designer bag
wallet full of privilege and guaranteed comfort for the rest of her days
she's a blonde but that blonde isn't good enough for pageantry and it's summertime so she
needs highlights
she's a very busy girl with a booming social life
but the real "highlight" of her life is being at home alone
at least that's what her spam account says...
freshly manicured nails on long fingers curled in a lazy fist
right elbow bent
the left on the hip (bone)
decorative cellphone case hangs in the back pocket of her high waisted shorts
cut offs that she bought because she's never known what her clothes being ripped is like (yet)
lips shining in gloss that smells like candy
is it fenty or milani
no need to know you can't afford it anyway
waist small
thighs separated by a gap
legs slender and long
soft and hairless
she's a dream
that's all she'll ever be because she isn't real
this girl has worked since the 6th grade when a boy made fun of her crooked teeth, bad skin,
and chubby body
her hair was greasy
her clothes were oversized and baggy because they made her feel small
she was lonely
kids can be cruel and they were
not anymore, not to her
that's when it started
searching up diet after diet
exercises for hours at a time
millions of images of thin girls with long hair and tight clothes
bright straight smiles
pictures of fruit bowls
wikihow articles
and makeup tutorials
while other kids were riding their bikes
she jumped on her mom's treadmill and went for long walks
the days became weeks and weeks were months that moved like molasses
the progress wasn't being made fast enough
so she purged
laxatives, green tea pills, and late nights doing crunches for every calorie consumed
140, 136, 131, 125, 120, 116...
wow, you look so good
how did you do it
girls wanted to be her
boys wanted to be with her
who is she
can i be like that if i get close to her
what's her life like?
she probably throws up
what a slut
i hate her
how did adoration turn to hate?
she stares at her reflection in a dinner plate
it's late
she goes upstairs to her room
self mutilates
she keeps on losing weight
what's the point?
she can't see straight
her clothes are baggy
bones protrude
all she can muster is an icy stare
she gets called rude
then the whispers in the lunchroom
why hasn't she touched her food
she's dying
from the inside out
her organs are overused
under her eyes, her thighs, her arms, her body
she still refuses to say that she has a problem
all she wears are hoodies and sweatpants
summer heat feels like a cold front
where did she go
is she okay
no, i heard they're sending her away
evil is not the girl, evil is within the world
seducing all with glamour through cruelty and denial of self
polished porcelain and self discipline
a distant memory
remember this...
remember me
the girl with the greasy hair, fat body, and crooked teeth


Artist Information:

Author: Amelia Williams

Year: Freshman

Major: Theater Arts